


Nox Fracta Vitrum

by JensenAckles13



Series: One Part Insanity, Two Parts Chaos [15]
Category: Avengers, Frostiron - Fandom, Marvel
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sort of AU, They're mad at each other at first, With a happyish ending, but not really at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 00:44:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2793596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JensenAckles13/pseuds/JensenAckles13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I almost lost you.” The voice was just a whisper, so quiet Tony nearly missed it.<br/>“Yeah. But can you really look around and tell me it wasn’t worth it?”<br/>And the god did look around. His emerald gaze found the blinking lights that made up the buildings of New York, some still being rebuilt after Thanos and the Chituari’s attack.<br/>“No,” Loki said softly. “I cannot.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nox Fracta Vitrum

_“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole_  
 _world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."  
_ _-The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald_

The stone steps were uncomfortable. The brick of the wall dug into his back. The cold air wound beneath his suit jacket, making him shiver. His head ached. So did his heart, but that wasn’t important.  
And god, did he need a drink.  
Tony heard him before he saw him, the soft tapping of his shoes against the ground as he walked across the stones imbedded in the ground, towards the building Tony was leaning back against.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Loki said, his voice casual, like nothing had ever happened to them.

“That’s ‘cause I didn’t tell you,” Tony replied, gazing out at the lights of the city blinking in the distance, definitely _not_ avoiding looking at his- at Loki.

“I _had_ wondered,” Loki mused, sitting beside him on the steps. “It’s quite a lovely view, isn’t it?” the other murmured as if he had been looking at the city and not Tony. Or maybe Tony was just paranoid.

“Don’t stall. You came here to say something, so say it.”  
A deep sigh, the clinking of ice in a glass.

“I’ve brought a peace offering.” The glass was offered to him, set on the stones next to his empty one.  
Tony almost took it. But that would mean he was accepting it, and that was something he certainly hadn’t done and probably wouldn’t for the next, oh, ever. But god, it was tempting.

“Still stalling,” Tony replied.  
Another sigh. Deep, long, as if this was the most painstaking thing he’d done all night.

“Anthony, you-”                                                               

“No,” Tony said, cutting the other off. “I don’t want to hear what I was. Or wasn’t. Or what I did or didn’t do for you. Or what I should’ve been.” He finally turned to face Loki, regarding the other’s blank face and empty stare. “Honestly, Loki, I don’t want to hear anything from you.” _Not anymore_.

“I loved you.”  
And god, wasn’t that just a punch to the gut?

“No,” Tony disagreed again. “You loved the idea of me. You loved the banter and the drinks and the sex. You loved what I pretended to be. There’s a difference.” Standing, he walked to the edge of the balcony, gazed out and pretended he didn’t know he was being watched. Pretended he couldn’t feel the intense gaze boring into his back.

“No, my dear-”

“I’m not _your_ anything,” Tony bit out, fingers curling into themselves as his fists clenched, fingernails digging painfully into the soft flesh of his palms. “I never was.” And hadn’t he thought he’d be over that by now? Some wounds never heal.

“That’s a lie-”

“Coming from the God of Lies, I find that _very_ hard to believe.”

“ _Will you let me speak?_ ” Loki snapped, patience wearing thin. Good thing Tony’s was already worn.

“If you stopped spinning your tales, I might.” Tony turned to face him. “But you’ve been doing that far too long, Loki. Lying has becoming a fucking safe haven for you. A deflection. A protection. You’ve wrapped yourself up in the false perceptions that you can lie your way out of any situation, protect yourself with your deceitful words and artfully spun stories. But I’m _done_ listening to them, Loki. I don’t want your words and I don’t want your lies so stop trying to give them to me.”  
Loki’s face was still blank but Tony could see it, the minute fissures in the god’s carefully formed façade.

“You nearly died,” Loki said finally, a whisper of truth amidst a hurricane of lies.

“I didn’t though,” Tony replied, folding his hands behind his back and knotting his fingers together.

“I almost _lost_ you.” The voice was just a whisper, so quiet Tony nearly missed it.

“Yeah. But can you really look around and tell me it wasn’t worth it?”

And the god _did_ look around. His emerald gaze found the blinking lights that made up the buildings of New York, some still being rebuilt after Thanos and the Chituari’s attack.

“No,” Loki said softly. “I cannot.” The god turned his eyes back to Tony. “But I do not lie. I did love you; still do, perhaps. I was tired, Anthony, of loving something I could not hold on to.”

“You held on, Loki. God, you held on and I fucking let you. And then you didn’t. You can’t blame me for _your_ decision to let go.”

“You’re right,” Loki agreed. “I cannot. I didn’t realize just how terrible of a mistake letting go was until I realized no one had ever loved me the way you did.”

“You say ‘loved’ as if it’s only in the past.” Tony didn’t mean to say that, not really. It just sort of happened, surprising him just as much as it did Loki and only then did Tony really truly accept that _yes_ , he was in love with this infuriating god and it hurt and it made him feel fucking _alive_.

“I-” Loki tried, but nothing came out.

Shaking his head, Tony walked back over to the steps where the scotch was with the half melted ice. He sat down and picked up the glass, bringing it to his lips and tipping his head back, drinking it all down in one go.  
Loki came back over as well, sitting beside Tony and resting his head on Tony’s shoulder.

“Am I forgiven?” the god asked as if he didn’t really care and Tony knew that he didn’t. He’d rather be loved than forgiven, rather be allowed to love.

“No,” Tony replied. “But then, I suspect I’m not either.” And Tony knew because he understood.

“No,” Loki agreed, winding an arm around Tony’s waist and holding him tentatively, like he’d forgotten how. And wasn’t that something, because Tony had too.  
So they held each other like strangers in love; like infuriating, foolish strangers who had known each other for years.  
But god, they were so much more than that. 

**Author's Note:**

> Nox Fracta Vitrum is Latin for "Night of Broken Glass". If I have that wrong, however, please tell me! I'm going off of what I found in Google so...


End file.
